WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a move that stunned agricultural experts, farmers, and anyone familiar with the English language, Representative Marjorie Taylor Greene (R-GA) on Tuesday introduced the Protect America’s Morality Act, a sweeping piece of legislation that seeks to “end the sick and perverted practice of animal husbandry in all fifty states.”
In an impassioned press conference, Greene declared,
“For too long, our government has turned a blind eye to this disgusting abuse. I don’t care if the globalists and their Democrat friends think it’s normal — I will not stand by while people are out there husbanding animals.”
The bill — which has been co-sponsored by two members of the House Freedom Caucus who reportedly signed on before reading it — defines “animal husbandry” as “any unnatural physical relationship between a human being and a farm animal, whether for pleasure, reproduction, or profit.”
The agricultural community was quick to respond, noting that the term actually refers to the breeding and care of livestock.
“It’s literally just farming,” said Dr. Linda Perrin, a livestock management professor at Iowa State University. “It has nothing to do with… that.”
According to multiple sources familiar with the situation, Greene’s misunderstanding began during a recent House Agriculture Committee hearing, when a USDA official referred to “best practices in animal husbandry.” Witnesses say Greene gasped audibly, whispered something about “liberal degeneracy,” and began furiously writing notes.
“She seemed horrified,” said one committee staffer, who spoke on condition of anonymity. “When the witness mentioned ‘responsible breeding,’ she started shaking her head and muttering, ‘They’re admitting it. They’re just saying it out loud now.’”
When reporters later attempted to clarify the term’s meaning, Greene doubled down.
“Oh please,” she said. “Now the fake news media wants to gaslight America into thinking animal husbandry is normal farm work. Next thing you know, they’ll say it’s part of the Green New Deal. I’m not buying it — and neither are the American people.”
The fallout was immediate. Social media erupted with memes showing Greene at a petting zoo, captions reading “MTG Visits Crime Scene.” Agricultural groups issued joint statements pleading with lawmakers to “restore sanity to the public discussion of farm terminology.” Even several Republican colleagues privately expressed dismay.
“She’s confused ‘husbandry’ with… something else,” said one GOP aide, sighing. “We’ve tried to explain, but she keeps saying we’re part of a globalist cover-up.”
Despite the backlash, Greene insists she’s standing on principle.
“If the global elite want to keep doing animal husbandry behind closed doors, that’s on them,” she told supporters during a rally in Rome, Georgia. “But in my America, we protect our livestock from moral corruption.”
The bill currently sits in committee, where insiders expect it to die quietly — or, as one farmer put it, “be humanely euthanized.”
Correction: An earlier version of this article referred to animal husbandry as “the care and breeding of livestock.” Representative Greene has since called this definition “woke propaganda.”